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Christmas Day + Saying Goodbye To 2020...

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I want to wish everyone who reads this the happiest Christmas.  2020 has been a year like no other and as it comes to an end, I want to reflect.  This year has been filled with many ups and downs, goodbyes and tests of my strength. I have lost people, met new people and also felt alone. But while it has been a  very difficult year, not just for me, but for so many, I can honestly say it has opened my eyes to many things and it has taught me a lot. The most important being that nothing is ever certain and we should appreciate what we already have and who is around us. From the moment lockdown was announced and I had to stay inside for weeks, I struggled to find any happiness in my life. Every day I would wake up and struggle to even get out of bed as I felt I had nothing to look forward to, so the internal bully in my mind became louder and stronger. I felt I had hit rock bottom as during those months I was the lowest I had been in a while. Whilst my mental health was suffering, I unfor
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Suicide Prevention Month 2020

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*tw: suicide* //  This month is National Suicide Prevention Month. A whole month that is dedicated to raising awareness on suicide and to reduce the stigma around a public health issue that is so important. I have spoken a lot about my own experience with my mental health problems so this month is very close to my heart.  In July, I got my first tattoo which was a semi colon. It is a tattoo I have wanted for so long as the meaning behind it is so important to me and I wanted it as a reminder to keep going even on my darkest days.  "A semi colon is used when an author could've chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to" For years I have struggled with suicidal ideation and I have been in really dark places. It's like a huge weight that is holding me down and I struggle to get out from underneath it. Sometimes I can ignore them but other times they will overwhelm me. Most of the time the thoughts will creep up on me and catch me off guard. If I'm crossing the ro
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5 Years Post Op ♡

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   ♡ 24/6/15 ♡ On this day 5 whole years ago I underwent a major 10 hour spinal surgery to correct my 85 degree curve. 24 screws and 2 titanium rods were placed into my back to fuse the vertebrae and 6 ribs   were removed. Recovery was not easy, it was tough and extremely painful. My life is so different now and I will be forever thankful to my surgeons, the doctors and nurses who helped me learn how to walk again and adjust to a new way of living. 5 years on I still experience pain every day and I will do for the rest of my life but I know my limitations now and although I had to give up my dream of becoming a dancer, I count my blessings as I can walk and be able to do things I never could before. No one tells you how much this takes a toll mentally and the psychological effects of scoliosis. My spine will never be like those who don’t have scoliosis, I will always have my curve but I embrace that. It used to take over my life and although I will always be self conscious of
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Audrey Hepburn’s 91st Birthday..

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“𝑨𝒔 π’šπ’π’– π’ˆπ’“π’π’˜ 𝒐𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒓, π’šπ’π’– π’˜π’Šπ’π’ π’…π’Šπ’”π’„π’π’—π’†π’“ 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 π’šπ’π’– 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 π’•π’˜π’ 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔, 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 π’‰π’†π’π’‘π’Šπ’π’ˆ π’šπ’π’–π’“π’”π’†π’π’‡, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒐𝒓 π’‰π’†π’π’‘π’Šπ’π’ˆ 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒔”⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ On this day in 1929, the beautiful Audrey Hepburn was born in Belgium. A talented performer, actress, humanitarian and philanthropist. Audrey spent part of her youth in England at a boarding school. During much of World War II, she studied at the Arnhem Conservatory in the Netherlands. After the Nazis invaded the country, Hepburn and her mother struggled to survive. She reportedly helped the resistance movement by delivering messages, according to The New York Times. After the war, Hepburn continued to pursue an interest in dance. She studied ballet in Amsterdam and then later on in London. In 1948, Hepburn made her stage debut as a chorus girl in the musical ‘ High Button Shoes’ in London. She also played a chorus girl in ‘ Sauce Tartare ’ but was moved
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The Reality of Mental Health

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Darlings, When I started this blog I knew one of my goals was to write about mental health in order to help others going through the same thing, because the thought of another person experiencing the feelings I have felt and thinking the most difficult, unbearable thoughts that I have thought for the past three years breaks my heart in a way I can't explain. It's a different heartache I feel when I know someone is struggling and they can't talk because I know exactly how that is and trust me it's draining.  Fine  became part of my dictionary but with the most opposition meaning behind it and it slowly started becoming my routine and the norm to say that, revolutionising it until I mislead people into believing I was okay, and I really wasn't. But why did I say that when I was far from it? Because this society we live in stigmatises mental health so much when the worst place you could be in is inside your own head, so why doesn't it get the coverage it needs
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My Personal Experience

I was 9 years old when my self esteem started to deteriorate. Even just writing that is upsetting, I was so young yet I was struggling already. The reasoning being that I was diagnosed with scoliosis at this age. If you don't know what scoliosis is, it is a medical condition in which causes a curvature to the spine. At the beginning it was 20 degrees, I didn't suffer with much pain but my paranoia over whether it was visible to others increased along with the percentage of my spine. Back brace for 4 years and yet my spine refused to slow down. Every checkup resulted in a drastic change in the curve and it was beginning to interfere with my breathing. By the time it was 85 degrees, I was 12 and the surgery was pushed forward because it was affecting my heart. 13 years old and I was preparing for a ten hour spine surgery. Could you even imagine the fear I was having? The thoughts such as what if I am paralysed after this? What if it isn't successful? Will I have to quit danc
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Remembering Doris Day

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Darlings,  This weeks blog post is dedicated to the late Doris Day, who sadly passed away early hours of Monday morning at the age of 97. A Hollywood legend and one of the worlds iconic American singer, actress and animal welfare activist. I was deeply saddened and my heart hurts to have heard this news as she was one of my idols, someone who I looked up to for the kindness she holds in her heart and the pureness she gave to others. She gave so much to this world and her gentleness will forever be missed, her fearlessness in portraying women's strength will be one to remain memorable for the years to come. . Doris May Ann Von Kappelhoff was born on April 3rd 1922 in Cincinnati, Ohio. Her work involved music, films and animal advocacy comprises an enduring legacy, her professional singing career beginning at age 15. She was honoured with many awards such as ‘The Presidential Medal of Freedom’ in 2004 and a ‘Grammy for Lifetime Achievement’ in 2008. Since the 1970’s, Doris Day
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